Tag Archives: Relationships

Make ‘Em Pay

January 16, 2012 By in Encouragement Tags: , , , , , , , , , 4 Comments

Forgiving someone means accepting their apology, right? Well, yes. But there’s a second part to forgiveness that many of us leave out, especially us ladies. We tend to forgive but we also tend to make sure that the one we’ve forgiven doesn’t soon forget their wrong against us. We are quick to forgive because we don’t want to carry the guilt of withholding forgiveness from them. But we want to ensure that there is still a price to pay – that they have to earn that forgiveness in some way.

The problem with that way of thinking is that it doesn’t fit the definition of forgiveness, true forgiveness – the kind of forgiveness that Jesus died on the cross for. Forgiveness means to release a person from punishment, to exempt them from penalty. When you truly forgive someone then you do not expect anything in return. It’s over. It is finished.

You see, we are often too quick to forget what Jesus did for us on the cross. Oh, we remember the part about how He forgave our sins and so we in return are willing to forgive others. But we leave out the part of what He did before He died on that cross, the part where He paid the penalty for our sins. He received the brutal beating and punishment that our sin deserved. He never said “I’ll forgive you, but it’s gonna cost you”. Not only does He forgive us but He also paid the cost for us. (Isaiah 53:5)

Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you have to forget the wrong that was done to you. But it does mean that you do not expect them to earn your forgiveness. If you forgive someone you forfeit your right to impose a penalty on them. When you forgive them you relinquish the need to make them pay for what they did to you by withholding affection or constantly reminding them of just how bad they hurt you. Many times as women when we forgive someone we falsely believe that we have the “right” to do what we want, spend what we want or act like we want without consequence because after all, we earned it because of what they did to us. In true forgiveness there is no penalty phase. There is no set time period that we get to treat the one who hurt us with an attitude of revenge while we practically dare them to react negatively because we’ve decided they deserve the harsh treatment as payment for their wrong.

What we all deserve is everything that Jesus endured on the cross on our behalf. But when we seek His forgiveness we receive it – no strings attached. We can’t earn it, we can’t buy it with flowers or gifts and there’s no certain time period that He gives us the cold shoulder until He decides we’ve finally earned full forgiveness. He forgives our sins the moment we repent. The moment we seek His forgiveness with an attitude of Godly sorrow, it’s done. There’s no penalty phase because the penalty was paid in full for our sins.

In response to the cross, the very least we can do is to fully forgive others who sincerely seek our forgiveness with Godly sorrow. We owe them forgiveness with no expectations of them earning that forgiveness. Those who ask for our forgiveness deserve the same forgiveness we receive from God when they do so not because they were caught doing wrong, but because they know they caused us to hurt and they never want to do it again.  Is there anyone in your life you need to forgive? Is there anyone you need to completely forgive?

So That’s What a Meteor Shower Looks Like

January 6, 2012 By in Current Events, Encouragement Tags: , , , , , , 2 Comments

In the very, very early morning hours on Wednesday my two sons and I went outside to watch the Quadrantid meteor shower. Because there was no school the next day it was the perfect time to stay up and view our first one. I didn’t know a whole lot about meteor showers but I guess I expected that the word “shower” meant they would be coming down like rain and would be very visible. The peak time to see them was 1:30 am so we bundled up and headed out to stare into the northeast sky because according to space.com that was the direction to be looking. We looked to the northeast from the back of the house. Then we looked from the front of the house. We rechecked our compass. We looked in different directions. Nothing. We checked social networks to see if anyone was talking about it. Nobody was saying anything except “I don’t see anything”. We looked some more. Nothing.

So we decided to go inside. It was cold and there was nothing to see. Maybe next time. We turned away from the northeast sky and headed inside. When we were almost to the door I turned to look back one more time. Then I saw it. I saw a shooting star streak across the sky. I almost screamed, “Oh my gosh! Did you see it?!” My youngest son exuberantly said “Yes!! I saw it”.

We stopped in our tracks and stood staring at the sky for 45 more minutes. We didn’t say a word except when one of us would see one we would ask if the others had seen it too. It was beautiful and peaceful. We forgot we were cold. We forgot our necks were hurting from staring up in the same position for so long. We forgot how long we were out there. We just wanted to see another one.

It’s like that when we’re waiting on God to “fix” our situation. We pray. We get an idea in our mind what His answer to our prayer will look like. We wait as we look for His anwer. But the waiting is uncomfortable. We decide it’s not worth it and we give up. It’s too hard to wait.

If we give up before He answers in His perfect timing we may just miss something spectacular. But if we will just wait it out a little bit longer and keep our focus upward we might just get a glimpse of what we’ve been waiting for. It could be so subtle we may miss it if we don’t stay focused. It may not look like we expected it to. If we don’t allow others into our lives, those who we can count on to say “there it is – that’s what you’ve been waiting for, did you see it!?” we may miss it.

But if we’ll wait and keep our focus on Jesus, He will give us a glimpse. We don’t always get all the answers at once like we may have expected. But we get enough to make us want more. We get enough to make the continued waiting worthwhile. We just have to hang on for that first glimpse.

In the cold, quiet morning I thought about how I almost missed it. I told God “thank you”. I thanked Him that I didn’t miss it and that He gave us just a glimpse. A glimpse that made us hungry for more. I thanked Him for the beautiful show He put on for us. I thanked Him that I got to share that moment with the ones I love. I thanked Him that He loves us so much that He knows exactly what we need and when we need it. I thanked Him for just enough to keep hanging on.

In a World Full of Options

January 4, 2012 By in Encouragement, Observations Tags: , , , , , , 4 Comments

We live in a world that is full of options. When we are faced with challenges there are many available solutions. And for most of us, when everything is going well we would probably all agree, that in the world we live in it seems that there are options for most any circumstance or situation that we may face. With the resources available today there is options you may never have thought possible. In most cases it’s just a matter of deciding which is the best option.

But for some reason when things are not going so well and we hit difficult times in our lives many of us are quick to come to the conclusion that there aren’t any options. I hear people say “divorce is the only option”. Or their excuse for making a wrong decision that caused their life to be a huge mess is “I didn’t have any other option”.  Why do we place such limits in our lives when things are not going according to plan? The reason is because we falsely believe that it’s up to us to fix everything that we’ve messed up. That things will only get better through our limited abilities. And when our own selfish choices are the reason for the mess, we feel incapable in our own strength to fix it because we already failed by allowing it to happen in the first place.

Whether it’s a marriage in crisis, children who are out of control or financial debt so deep that we cannot see a way out, we see no other option but giving up. People will say “I’m at the end of my rope, I can’t take it any more”. Many of these are people who believe in God. They know He exists and they believe that He is the creator of the universe and is capable of healing the sick and giving sight to the blind. But because they think it’s up to them to fix their situation, they don’t see our God, the God of miracles, as an option to bring a miracle to their situation. So they give up hope.

But when you are out of options, you’ve reached the end of your rope and you see that giving up is the only option left, then you are in a perfect place for God to step into your impossible situation and do the miraculous. When you think all hope is gone and you’ve exhausted all that you in your own power are capable of, then God is just waiting for you to say “God, I surrender! I can’t fix this!” It’s in that moment of surrender when you are willing to turn the situation over to Him that the doors can begin to open for your miracle to happen. The marriage that you thought never stoood a chance, the impossible financial situation, the hurt inside that you thought you would always have to live with or the addiction you can’t seem to overcome can begin to turn around. The key is surrender.

In a world seemingly filled with options, there really is only one foolproof option that works every time and that’s trusting God with every area of our lives. The best option will always be to surrender control to the One who has the world in His hands, including your world. He is more than able to make a miracle out of your mess. But in order for that to happen you must see God as an option in the first place then you have to be in a place where He is your only option. When those two things happen then nothing is impossible because with God all things are possible. Are you ready to surrender?

Christmas is like a magnifying glass

December 25, 2011 By in Encouragement, Observations Tags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

For most of us our Christmas memories as children are good ones. I’m not sure if that’s because Christmas was really better back then or if we were just oblivious to what was really going on around us because we were so excited for Santa to come.

But as we get older it seems like Christmas becomes a time of stress, sadness and disappointment for many of us. The reason holidays can be such a difficult time is because Christmas is like a huge magnifying glass that magnifies everything that is wrong in our lives, especially when it comes to relationships. Christmas seems to cause us to be so much more aware of the enormity of the fact that all the expectations we had of Christmas as a child are now mostly unmet in our adult life.

It’s the time of year when it’s never more obvious to the divorced parent that they had a failed marriage when they have to put their child on a plane and send them off to the other parent for the holidays. It’s more evident to those whose families are estranged when every commercial on TV seems to show happy families all gathering together and everyone is enjoying each other’s company. It’s never more lonely on Christmas day for the soldier who is deployed away from family as they sit alone a million miles from home. Or for the single person who has no one special to share the holiday with, Christmas is the longest day of the year.

For those who have lost loved ones the loss is magnified when the realization hits that they will never again celebrate the holiday with the one they miss so much. For the families whose marriage is in crisis, Christmas magnifies the brokenness in the home and ushers in a new level of hopelessness when everyone else seems to have it all together – or so it seems when you’re the one who’s marriage is falling apart. For the child who is on the Angel Tree because his single mom cannot afford to buy gifts, his situation is magnified as all the other kids in class talk about what they’re getting for Christmas this year. He just hopes he gets picked so he’ll get something and won’t be embarassed when everyone asks what he got when they return to school.

Christmas is not easy for everyone. If you are one of the fortunate ones whose family has strong, healthly relationships and the get togethers are special moments where memories are made, please take time to give thanks that you are richly blessed. If you are like so many others whose situation is magnified this time of year and you are accutely aware of the failures, hurts, losses and disappointments in your life please take time to give thanks. No matter what your situation is and no matter how hopeless the holidays make you feel, you can still find hope in the one who’s birth is magnified in the songs you hear over and over every where you go. In the words of “O Holy Night” – long lay the world in sin and error pining, til he appeared and the soul felt it’s worth. The thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices, for yonder breaks a new and glorious morn. Fall on your knees. O hear the angel voices, O night divine, O night when Christ was born.

You see, this is the time of year that we long for in our souls. We have long been in sin and error but Jesus was born and finally our souls felt worthy. We should feel the thrill of hope, we should be rejoicing and falling on our knees because our Savior was born. We no longer have to live feeling hopeless and in despair because, through His birth, everything is new and glorious. We don’t have to live consumed by our circumstances and the enormity of our failures, shortcomings and mistakes. We can seek the One who came to save us and in Him find the peace that we so long for. Don’t spend another Christmas feeling overwhelmed at the magnitude of this life and all it’s shortcomings. The things of this world will never bring us the joy our soul seeks. It’s only in the Savior, the Christ who was born on that holy night so long ago that we will truly find the peace and joy we so deeply long for. Let this Christmas be the one that you fall on your knees and receive His forgiveness and salvation. You can awaken tomorrow to a new and glorious morning where the only thing magnified in your life is His love for you.