Recently I posted a personal opinion on Facebook about the movie “50 Shades of Grey”. I got the usual comments of support from my church friends but it was the unspoken comments that spoke the loudest. It made me think about why I felt the need to post my reasons that other people should not see this movie.

I realized very quickly that my reasons had everything to do with me and nothing to do with other people. I began to think about myself and the labels (some chosen and others placed on me by others) that impact how people see me. One of the biggest labels I place on myself is “Christian.” And I know that with that label comes the understanding that people are watching. If you are going to call yourself a Christian, your actions better live up to the label.

Then there are the other labels – wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend. These are labels that matter a lot to me and that many people can relate to. Then there are the labels I wouldn’t necessarily place on myself but when I asked others they responded with these – leader, teacher, mentor, encourager. Whether we realize it or not we all carry labels that mark who we are.

But what about the labels you don’t necessarily see on the surface. The ones that I keep hidden from most people. Some, that until now, have been just between me and God – weak, bent toward negativity, insecure, afraid of disappointing others, desire to please others no matter the costs, easily influenced, prone to give in and give up. These are the labels that influenced my thoughts on “50 Shades of Grey.”

I know myself and my weaknesses and aside from the grace of God, I am one mistake away from being all those negative labels I place on myself.  When Jesus became my Lord and Savior, I was made new. The old me was gone and I became a new creation in Christ. But I’m not naïve enough to think that many of my old tendencies aren’t lurking just below the surface.  That the enemy would love to ensnare the new me by dredging up the old me.

I know that if I saw that movie then there would be things that I would hear and see that would influence my thoughts. I know that if I allowed the darkness represented in that movie into my mind, it would impact my soul. I know the kind of things that I need to avoid in order to guard myself from the negative tendencies in my personality. I know that the reason that  I don’t want to see the movie is not because I think I’m better than other people. It’s because I know I’m worse so I can’t see it.

If I want to be the best of the positive labels, I have to avoid the things that I know will  corrupt those areas of my life. I’m not trying to claim that if you are Christian you should not see this movie. I’m claiming that I am a Christian and I can’t see this movie. I know myself too well to think that I would not be impacted by a movie like that. I believe people see Christians and label us – judgmental, holier than thou, boring, out of touch, unrealistic, bible thumping, pushy, intolerant. And I certainly see plenty of that in Christians and  non-Christians alike. I see it in myself at times and it’s ugly. So when we comment publically as Christians about something like “50 Shades of Grey”, we are thought to be finger-pointing. Which in this case, couldn’t be further from the truth.

The honest truth is that I am not “that Christian” who’s pointing fingers. I am simply a mix of all of the labels above and someone who is painfully aware of how desperate I am for Jesus. I see myself in the people I encounter and I want nothing more than for them to be brought out of the darkness of their situations and their sins and into the Glorious Light as I have been. I want them to know that God loves us even when we’re at our darkest. I want them to know that the truth is, that kind of love changes you forever. I want them to know that there is a very real enemy of their soul that wants to keep them separated from that love. Does that make me think that I’m better than others? No. It’s just means I know how unworthy I am of the labels God has placed on me – forgiven, redeemed, Child of God, set free, accepted, worthy, chosen, more than a conqueror, overcomer, joy-filled, made righteous and holy, full of faith, healed, blessed, blameless, LOVED.